Well that was fun!

So we pulled out all the Christmas stuff and started decorating the tree. We were going to get a real one as well as put up our fake one but we decided to used the money that we would have spent on a real tree to buy presents for some friends who are a bit of a bind right now.
So everyone except Noah is putting on the ornaments although Parker is more into directing than participating. Noah crawls around the back and the new dog follows...luckily the tree is pretty sturdy. When we were just about done we sent Reece to the basement to get some ice cream. He comes back and we learn that it had been left out and was completely melted. Well most people would pour it into the sink but Reece put it in the recycling bin as is (you see where this is going right?). Noah pulls it back out as his favorite food on the planet is ice cream. He makes it partially through the kitchen/family room door before he drops it. No problem for him, he just gets a spoon and starts scooping it up. Gross. When you are putting in new flooring and have the wood floors in but still have not started on the kitchen travertine guess what happens? It soaks into the subfloor between the old and new flooring. Not only that but melted ice cream sinks nicely into the grooves of really nice Brazilian hardwood. Toothpicks are helpful in case that ever happens to you.

That was the end of happy, fun, family time.

Most of the time I can laugh this stuff off and move on but this was not one of those times. It has been really rough this year with Noah and this was the proverbial straw for me. I never sit around and feel sorry for myself over Noah. I don't have time and it does no one any good plus I know it would be too easy to fall into a permanent funk and I have three other children that need me. I just lost it. It is so hard to parent a special needs child. Seeing blogs and pictures of other families who go camping, to Disney World, etc is very hard because we cannot do those things as a complete family. If we do something like that we have to find someone to watch Noah because he makes it impossible otherwise. Even something as simple as going to the local farms is a major ordeal. We no longer even go to church together. Scott and I takes turns staying at home with Noah and the other takes the 3 oldest. It is so unfair to the other kids. They get that we have to make allowances but when they must give up so much for one person in the family.....I worry that they will grow to resent it or him or even me because the frustration needs a target and there is not a clear one in this case.

After the ice cream hit the fan, er floor, Reece just said he was going to bed. It is not right that this will be his memory of decorating the tree. I have really struggled this year with my emotions over Noah's challenges. There is no clear path with his diagnosis. None of the specialists can tell us what to expect. It isn't that he is retarded or stupid. He knows his numbers, letters, shapes, etc but when we can't even have a two sentence conversation what do we do?

On the plus side Parker is doing great at homeschooling. He is "recovering" from the disaster that was second grade. We are very blessed to have a wonderful family from church who lives one street over and also is a homeschooling family. I have leaned on her quite a bit. I am even thinking of yanking the oldest two within the next year or so. I don't trust myself to do it right now so Parker gets to be the guinea pig for awhile. We have had a lot of fun so far and I am very happy with our decision.